Mission Mayhem
by Crystalized Rain
Summary: You were told about those big missions, but what about those little nothings you never knew about? Short oneshots about each cell’s strange but funny nothing missions. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: You were told about those big missions, but what about those little nothings you never knew about? Short stories about each cell's strange, but funny, nothing-missions.  
Rated: Teen for cursing and, uh, 'bad words.'

A/N: Well, this is actually my first fic. I'm way new to this stuff, so please be nice! Oh, and the little words like 'gonna' and 'coulda' are spelt that way on purpose, because of ninja slang. J/K, but they are, because that's probably how the characters would talk. This also takes place before the chuunin exams. Hope you enjoy!

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P.O.V. of Sasuke..

I rolled my eyes. Dramatic, idiotic, and very strange; those were the best words to describe my teammates. Well, only the blonde weirdo was idiotic.

"IF KAKASHI-SENSEI DOESN'T SHOW UP RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA JUMP OFF THIS STUPID BRIDGE AND INTO THE RIVER!" Naruto yelled, posing with his finger in the air. I heard a, "Tch," probably from Sakura.

I rolled my eyes, again. Why was I always stuck waiting for my perverted sensei? Why was that maniacal-book-reader always late? Why was my team made up of total losers? Why was Kakashi pushing Naruto off the bridge we'd been standing on for 3 hours?

Wait, back up. Kakashi was pushing Naruto off the…

Wow. Long way down.

I glanced at the river below from my leaning position on one of the bridge railings.

"I'll take you up on that," Kakshi was saying to Naruto, as I glanced back up with my perfect, stoic expression.

Kakashi _was_ saying to Naruto, before he pushed the blonde off the bridge and down to Kami-knows-where.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura cried, running to the edge of the bridge to stare helplessly down at the now-descending Naruto, who was yelling jumbles of curse words. "Kakashi-sensei," Sakura repeated.

I cringed. She was probably going to say something stupid about how cruel it was to push someone off a bridge, or-

"He said, 'right now,' and you just came, 'right now.' So technically, Naruto would only have jumped if you came, 'later.' Oh, by the way," She sucked in a deep breath, "YOU'RE LATE!"

I rolled my eyes; so much for caring about Naruto, but nothing really unfamiliar there.

Kakashi grinned awkwardly behind his mask, "Oh, well then-"

He was cut off by a, "SCREW YOU, SENSEI!" Three guesses who that was.

Why don't you all just join me now in the rolling of the eyes?

"I COULDA DIED!" Naruto screamed, squinting his eyes like the fool he was, "AND YOU _ARE_ LATE! _WAY_ LATE!"

Our aloof teacher didn't even try to make an excuse this time, "We have another mission. A kind old lady needs us to clean out her garage! How fun!"

I seriously cannot tell the difference between sarcasm and enthusiasm with this dude. But, this wasn't gonna be fun at all. There goes another day of my life gone to waste. Bye bye, precious day. Everyone wave…Now, let's watch the sarcasm-o-meter explode. Oh, joy.

"THAT SUCKS! WHAT KINDA MISSION IS THAT?!" Naruto shouted. For once, I agreed with the dunce.

"Lame," Sakura nodded.

"Plain stupid…" I muttered.

Kakashi might need a hearing aid, because, despite all our protests, he just shrugged and dragged us off to the annual, everyday hellhole.

It took about 15 seconds flat to arrive at the old lady's garage, or whatever it was.

"Thank you; thank you very much," An old voice said from behind me. I turned around, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Naruto spin on his heel with a horrified expression. The voice turned out to be that of an old lady; probably the owner of the stupid garage.

She bowed and Kakashi grinned sheepishly. Naruto, on the other hand…

"HOLY CRAP! IT'S A TALKING SHEEP DOG! WHAT THE HE-!!" He was cut off by Sakura, who shoved his head into a nearby wheel barrel full of hay. And thank God, too. I thought I was going deaf.

I heard Kakashi cough apologetically. The lady blinked twice, bowed again, awkwardly, and left in a rush. Could you blame her?

The maverick-imbecile managed to untangle himself from a bail of hay, and spat some out on the ground. Sakura made a face, "Eww! Gross!"

Can you guess what I did? Something to do with my eyes. Hint hint.

So, skip ahead to the 4 of us standing in front of the Godamn garage door.

Insert a certain blonde furiously trying to turn the doorknob.

"It's locked, genius," Sakura said, frowning. Naruto stopped turning the doorknob immediately, "I-..I knew that! I was just testing you, Sakura-chan!"

"Grow up!" Sakura retorted. She then turned to me, "What'll we do, Sasuke-kun? The lady didn't give us a key."

How the heck would I know?

"Who cares?" I pondered aloud. Naruto snickered. I gave him a hard kick. Oooh, not to self: Kicking an idiot eases pissed off prodigies.

Seeing as no one was going to do anything, I kicked down the door. It practically flew to the other side of the lame excuse for a garage. Naruto gaped and Sakura waved her hand in front of her face to usher the dust away. What was that idiot gaping about? It was just a _door._ No biggie.

Kakashi sighed. Oh yeah, forgot he was here. "Well, let's start. Naruto, you dust. Sasuke, sweep. Sakura, you can wash the windows. I'll read." And with that, he plopped down on a chair and flipped open his dumb orange book. I heard Naruto mutter something about "Chair-breaking no jutsu."

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Did you like it? Review please! And also, no flames. Remember, it's my first fic, so please, please, please be nice! I don't know if anyone will like this, and if no one does, I won't continue. But I was thinking I could do little missions like this one for all the different cells Asuma's, Kurenai's, etc. Or maybe a few more for Team 7, and then go on…Anyway, suggestions and constructive criticism are/is welcome. I'm open for new ideas for the missions and basically everything, should this story continue. Thankies!

Kia


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Heloo! I don't know how you managed to stumble across this fanfiction, but since you are here, enjoy chapter two.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously.

Chapter #2 – Asuma, Cell 5? Doubt it.

Shikamaru's P.O.V.

ShitShitShitShit. (A/N: Who knew Shikamaru had such colorful words in his head?)

Of all the missions we could've done. Why, in the cruel, cruel world, did it have to be..

"FOOD!" Chouji yelled, stuffing his face with egg rolls.

Ino shook her head, "I can't believe this. I totally, absolutely cannot believe this."

"Here comes the hurricane," I mumbled quietly as I sat down on a nearby chair. By nearby, I mean about 4.60 meters away. How freaking troublesome. The table was soo long. I mean, if you needed exercise...

"Food tasting. Food Tasting! _Food Tasting!_" Ino shrieked, "I'm on a diet! Like, hello? I can't-"

I sighed; typical Ino. She did have a point, but my right ear was already half deaf from the screaming I'd been enduring for the past 53 hours, so I ignored her. Yes, it's only been 53 hours since we've been assigned our teams. Look at that, I'm already in agony.

"Cheer up, kid," Asuma-sensei said, nodding in my direction. He puffed on his cigarette and coughed loudly.

Chouji looked up, stopping his food rampage for 2.3 seconds. He then grabbed a plate of fried rice and continued eating, coming to the conclusion that Asuma had nothing important to say.

Meanwhile, Ino was still ranting. She might as well have been talking to herself, because no one was listening.

"Uh, Chouji. We need to write down how the food tastes on this chart," Asuma yelled, trying to be heard over Ino's obnoxious voice, "So don't eat it all."

I yawned. Well, if you haven't figured it out by now, we're on a mission, my team and I. Oh yes, a mission. Food tasting. How. Fun. Some old hag was pissed 'cause her restaurant wasn't getting many customers, so she cooked up some stuff, made a chart, and told us to record how the food tasted. If we said the food was bad, we had to jot down what could be improved. I just have one comment; what the hell is with this world?

Asuma stared helplessly at us, walked to the door, kicked it open, gave me the 'Oh-look-I-have-a-medical-appointment-Shikamaru-you're-in-charge-look-after-these-idiots-or-I'll-kick-your-ass-Have-a-good-day-buh-bye!' look and took off.

Okay, not really. But that's close enough.

Anyway, with Asuma-sensei gone, we could just chill out, since no one would scold us for not being on task. So I put my head down on the oversized table and was just drowsing off to dreamland when Asuma stuck his head through the door, gave me a 'oh-yeah-if-you-guys-don't-pass-this-mission-you'll-have-go-back-to-the-academy-so-you-can-do-this-easy-task-or-be-tormented-for-another-2-and-a-half-years' look, and dashed off again.

Frick.

"Chouji!" I yelled monotonously. It's nothing unusual, really, for me to talk monotone, because putting emotion into my voice is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, not to mention it being too troublesome.

Chouji didn't hear me. Maybe he was deaf, too.

"Chouji! Chouji! Hello?!" I yelled again, this time lifting my head up off the table.

Said person continued stuffing his face.

Okay, you and I both know he's my best friend and all that troublesome crap, don't ask me how _you_ know because _I _don't know, but it was not my fault that he was deaf. Therefore what was also not my fault was what I chose to do next.

I lifted my hand up, grabbed a dish of tempura and chucked it Chouji. It hit him splat in the face.

Do not, and I repeat; DO NOT ask me how that was supposed to make him notice my failing attempts at getting his attention. But it seemed to work, because he looked up, face covered with crispy bread crumbs (Insert a loud, "HAHAHA!" From Ino) and all.

I sighed. "Chouji, get the stupid chart. It's too troublesome to eat something, so you can do the eating, and Ino and I can record whatever stuff you eat. Actually, Ino can record. I can supervise."

Chouji nodded and set out the obs. chart, taking the lid off a dark green marker. Oh yes, I have the power.

Ino glared at me, but sat down and took the marker from Chouji, examining the chart.

I sighed again, and pointed out the things she should write down. Chouji began setting plates up in some specific order, licking his lips as he gazed at the feast.

"Okay, now write 'Tastes' in the next column."

"Okaayy…done. Now what?"

"Draw a bunch of lines horizontally. Yeah, that's- No, horizontally is the other way- Not that way, the other-…Going sideways! Yeah. And then vertically.."

"Uhm.."

"Up and down."

Honestly. People say I'm smart. But it's just common sense.

"Now, Chouji," I said, "List the food in the order of when they're eaten. And you might wanna say them slowly, so Ino can spell them right," I added sarcastically.

Ino glared daggers, but quickly got busy when Chouji rattled off a long list.

So skip ahead to ten minutes later..

"Number 24, pork chops. Got that? Poh-erk Chaw-pps. Okay? It's spelt-"

"I KNOW CHOUJI, YOU FOOD FREAK! GET THE HELL ON WITH IT!" Ino screamed. I swear to Kami-sama I saw the juice glass crack.

Chouji looked offended. I twitched, "Uhh..let's end at 24 for now. So start with number one, Salmon Sushi. Hang on, why is it spelt with an 'e'? 'Salmen'? What the hell? 'Sushee'?"

"Hey, it's hard to spell." Ino protested.

"You're just blonde," I mumbled. I seriously didn't think she heard me, until I felt my head bang on something hard.

Which is why I can't tell you the rest of our mission, because I don't remember any of it. How terribly sad.

A/N: Well, that's it. I thought from the beginning that I wouldn't continue this story; that it would end right on chapter one. But I actually got three reviews and one story alert, so I decided, like, two months later, to continue. If you're reading, please review. This story probably won't update anyway, but let's just see how it goes. If someone does want it to continue, give suggestions on which team you'd like next. 'Kay? 'Kay. Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Warning: This is probably random. But hey, that's how life is.**

Disclaimer; No ownage. Ha, that sounds weird. 

Chapter 3 – Kurenai's Cell.

Hinata's P.O.V.

"Target found," Kiba whispered softly, his rhythmic voice flowing through my head. (A/N: -rolls around on floor- xD)

"Sighted," Shino said.

Kurenai-sensei was no where to be seen. Actually, no one was really anywhere to be seen; we were all hiding.

Akamaru barked. Our target sprang up, glaring at its surrounding.

"Hurry, it'll move soon!"

"Hinata, are you ready?"

"Yes," I spoke quietly, making sure I was only heard by my teammates.

"Okay, 3…2…GO GO GO!!!" Kiba yelled like a maniac; I could imagine Shino wincing in annoyance.

I leaped with a net in hand, nearly landing on Akamaru in the progress. I scrambled to get the net over the head of the frantic creature. It snapped and tried to bite me, and I probably would have been bitten if Kiba hadn't come to the rescue. How in heck can he like those things? Scary!

He said a bunch of stuff in dog language, and I got up and brushed myself off.

Shino stepped out of his hiding place, and Kurenai-sensei jumped down from a tree, collecting Shino's portable microphone. I reached up to my ear and pulled the piece off, as Kiba did the same.

"Good job," Sensei congratulated us, patting me on the back.

Who pats people on the back these days?

I bent down and picked up the net with the still-yipping dog, our target, in it. We were supposed to be catching the thing for some blind old man who needed a guide.

Kiba was no help at all, starting a chorus of "Who Let the Dogs Out" just to annoy Shino, who would have probably preferred "Who Let the Bugs Out" or "Who Let the Dogs Drown."

If I wasn't me, I would've rolled my eyes, but I'm me, so I didn't.

And Kiba's Kiba, Shino's Shino, and Kurenai-sensei is Kurenai Sensei.

Hey, that's a tongue twister.

But either way, they're still my team.

And my team is my team.

Just the way I like it.

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**A/N: END! That was short. But yay, I actually updated! I didn't plan to, but I was bored. At 11:26 pm. On a school night. The day before my big school play. Yep, welcome to my life.**

**Suggestions for the next chappy? And review, please! **


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